which one of you motherfuckers is gonna get inside my heart

Hoss's Beard of Defiance

 Ok guys, here goes…. Back in August of 2007, Hoss got himself a job delivering pizzas for a local pizzeria. It was just a regular shit job to get by until something better came along. No biggie. Well, everything was going fine until about a month ago. The general manager came into the store and told Hoss he couldn’t have his beard and told him to shave it. Now it should be noted that Hoss has almost always had a beard. In fact, he got hired in with a beard and had worked there for a couple of months with it. Hoss pointed all this out to the general manager and then noted that there was nothing in the company policy that prevented him from having his beard. The general manager said “Fine, whatever. Just trim it up a bit.” So Hoss trimmed his beard and all seemed good. Then about two weeks ago, the general manager returned to the store. Once again, he told Hoss to shave his beard. Hoss once again mentioned the store policy on facial hair and how he had complied and trimmed his beard due to the general manager’s request. The general manager became upset and decided to completely change the policy. Hoss pointed out that according to the policy, only company owners and shareholders could change policy and the general manager was neither. He then called him an idiot. Apparently nobody had ever talked back to the general manager because word got around the store quickly that Hoss had called him on his bullshit and he became kind of a store hero.

Well, last Wednesday, Hoss was scheduled to work. I know because I called and asked if he did and if he could make me and my coworkers a special pizza. He said no prob and to call at 10:30 to place our order. So I call at 10:30 and the guy working answers. In the background, clear as day, I hear someone yell “I’LL GET IT MYSELF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!” I ask the guy on the phone what’s going on and he tells me it’s a former employee. I ask if someone got fired and the guys says yeah and it’s very tense there. Then I pause, “Is it Hoss?” “Yeah, how’d you know?” “I’m his sister.” “Oh, well did you still wanna order a pizza?” “No, I think I better call my brother.” “That’s a good idea.” So I call up Hoss and tell him to swing by my work because I know he needs to vent to somebody. He stops by and this is the story…

Hoss pulled into work and saw that there was another driver there and right away he knew he was getting fired. So the general manager is there and calls him into the back of the kitchen.

“Hoss, this whole beard situation has gotten out of hand. I’m gonna have to let you go.”

“Can I say something before I go?”

“Yeah, but it won’t make a difference. You’re still fired.”

“Ok. Well, the beard situation never got out of hand. I trimmed my beard just like was asked. You came in last week and told me I hadn’t trimmed my beard when everyone else in the store had noticed that I had.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. It matters what I think.”

At that point in time, Hoss says “Whatever.” He takes his write up, signs it, rips it up and throws it in the air. The general manager immediately tells the assistant manager on duty to call the cops and that he’s charging Hoss with assault.

Hoss replies “How can you charge me with assault? Unless of course you are all the air encompassing this store, then you might get away with it.”

“I can charge you with assault. I can do whatever I want. Get out of my store.”

Hoss grabbed the policy handbook and yet again points out all the policies that he has been since this first started. The general manager replies, “It doesn’t matter. I am the law here. I can do whatever I want.”

Hoss then throws the handbook in the trash. “Well, I guess that’s what your handbook means to you.”

“Get out of my store. I want you off my property.”

“Give me my check.”

“Not until you return your driver’s sign.”

“You have to give me my check. You can’t hold it.”

“I don’t have to give you a damn thing.” Hoss says he’ll get the sign. On the way out to the parking lot, he kicks the door and breaks it. He retrieves the sign from his car and goes back into the store and attempts to hand it to the general manager. The general manager refuses to take it. Hoss takes his hand and places it into it. The general manager calls assault on Hoss again.

“There’s your fucking sign. Now give me my check so that I can go home.”

He then throws Hoss’s check across the room, saying he’s going to treat Hoss how Hoss treats him. Hoss picks up his check, calls the guy childish and leaves the store. When he gets to his car, he realizes that he’s still wearing his uniform (which is technically his to keep). He re-enters the store, rips off his shirt Hulkamania style (mind you, this is a pretty nice polo knit) and throws it into the kitchen. He then throws his hat into the oven.

“Forgot my hat and shirt.” Hoss walks out.

Later that day, Hoss received a call from the state police about the incident. The officer says that the store is not pressing charges for assault or property damage but they are going to trespass him. Hoss replies that there was no assault and that the whole incident happened in front of the store’s security camera, but the officer doesn’t care.

So that’s how it went down… for the most part. A lot of the dialogue was cut out and there were much more obscenities, but you get the gist of it. Basically, Hoss can sue for wrongful termination and harassment if he so chooses. Since this all happened, most everybody from the store has gotten in contact with Hoss to tell how awesome the whole event was. I’m not gonna lie, I’m quite proud of my baby bro. Here’s to Hoss and his Beard of Defiance!
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